i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
