Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
