My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
