tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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