You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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