dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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