i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
