why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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