Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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