she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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