so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
