did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
