I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
