Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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