those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
