Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize