Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
