I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
