No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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