i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
