Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
