A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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