Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize