he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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