The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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