4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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