batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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