I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
