Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
