HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
