Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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