as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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