your parents love me but you hate me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
