He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize
