yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
