i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
