I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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