You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
