Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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