we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
COCAINE IS GR8
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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