Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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