I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
