and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
