dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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