the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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