i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Come share oat with me in your robe
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dick very happy bro
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
