to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
