I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
