The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
