You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
