i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize