I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
