Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
