I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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