God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
