So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize