peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize