I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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