I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
