If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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