based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
