I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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