Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
