i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
