I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
