I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
