there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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