We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
