I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
