As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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