He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
