Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Betty ford says i'm here all night
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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