The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
