I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
