What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
