I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
