you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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